"Dear Jack" and other random thoughts...

I was reading an article that said a good way to make it through the last couple of weeks of anticipation are to not think about only pregnancy and baby related things. UMMM! Okay! Like that's even possible at this point? Even if I wanted to not think about pregnancy it's pretty easy to be reminded when you have 4 feet of belly leading your way into every room. Today I did my yoga and found that I looked really creepy in my yoga outfit:

I told you...

I was told by many people that if you talk to your baby in the womb and tell him to come out he will. I don't know that I believe that but if I did talk to him I would say:

Dear Jack,
You should really try and come on time. One of the first things I would like to teach you is that being prompt for engagements is of utmost importance. You don't want to take after Daddy and run late everywhere you go. He gets by with it because he is so cute and charming. I am sure you will have the same effect on people, but still... it's the principle of the thing. I have to tease Daddy all the time and tell him that he runs on P.T. (Pat Time). Every time he says he is going to be somewhere at such-in-such time I add 15-30 minutes to his E.T.A. You don't want that kind of rep.
Perhaps you are thinking of staying in there because you've gotten wind of the arrangements on the outside. Yes, it is true you will only receive breast milk until 6 months of age. It isn't fair really, and I know you gotten use to all the delicious food I have been feeding you over the last 9 months. Particularly, some of my favorites I believe you've become obsessed with, since they're the only items that don't make me gag these days. Fruit (any variety), pop-tarts (strawberry), blueberry yogurt, homemade smoothies, ICE CREAM, baked goods... I think you can see a pattern here. You definitely have a sweet tooth, but if you don't come out soon Mama is going to collapse into a diabetic coma.
Furthermore, I have set up quite a lovely room for you to stay in. I know you probably are nervous about the prospect of life on your own, but sometimes it is time to cut the umbilical cord and stand on your own two feet. Okay, the expectations for standing aren't until around 9 months. Settle down. Plus, if you really want there is a back-up bassinet set up next to mommy and daddy's bed. Your Grandmother Harris thinks that a baby should sleep in his own crib, in his own room from the very first night at home. I think we can all agree she can be a little harsh at times and I wouldn't mind sleeping next to you until you adjust. So, no need to fret over that little detail anymore.
Lastly, if you are nervous about that deeper, somewhat- more- masculine voice you hear around my belly all the time I can assure you it's fine. That is just Ellie (just kidding, dogs don't talk). You are hearing the voice of your Daddy. He is a real swell guy. I am almost positive you'll like him. He is very sweet, down-to-earth, FUNNY. super laid-back, and hardworking. These are just some of the reasons we keep him around. I am sure in no time you will come up with a list of your favorite things about him. Until then, here are a few of mine you can borrow until you grow more accustomed to him:

1) He doesn't have strong opinions about most things so making decisions usually comes down to me. This is fun because I get to pick what we have for dinner, where we go on dates, what shows we watch on t.v....he does however have a strong opinion about what movie we see at the theater. You and I might need to work on that with him.

2) He is REALLY funny. Not your run-of-the-mill funny, either. It's his own custom blend of movie lines, dad jokes, obscure smart people references (that he often has to explain to mommy) and a blatant disregard for caring what people think about him.

3) He ranges from very attractive to over-the-top, slap- you- in- the -face attractive. Like...hand- model attractive. He has been known to dabble in the area of modeling and when you come out I can show you some of his work in the Missouri Sober Driver's ads and a very compelling piece in a prison catalog (think: Lillian Vernen mail-order catalog for criminals).He is also a very dapper dresser and often is mistaken for a gay man on the street (in case you are wondering- this is a compliment).

4) He works very hard. Daddy always has at least 8 jobs or other ventures he is involved in. Grandma Harris use to say that maybe he worked so hard because he enjoyed being out of the house. You will learn quickly that Grandma often says very rude things with no shame. I assured her he is a teacher, stock-room worker, bar-back, lead singer in a cover band, graduate school student out of necessity. If he had it his way, he would be a nutritionist/personal trainer/life coach for a few clients, while playing in band for fun and watching Arrested Development or youtube videos of monkey's falling out of trees after smelling their hands, than work all the time...but he loves us very much and wants to provide a good home.

5) He is genuine. He is not one for putting on airs. He is that guy who goes to a party and finds a couple good people to talk to...and stays put. He doesn't glad-hand around the room, introducing himself to everyone. No, no, he finds a good corner and a friendly face and he gets down to business. I've never, ever, met anyone that doesn't like him after one of these encounters and the friendships he makes he takes seriously.

6) He makes me feel...like me. You'll probably pick up on this right away. I tend to be somewhat high-strung, detail-oriented, anxious, judge-y and rationally pessimistic at times. If I'm not careful I can let whole streams of crazy conscious spill out onto those around me (point and case-this blog).  I will get ideas into my head and let my anxiety run away with it. When left to my devices- but when I am with your Dad I become a relaxed version of myself. I feel good. I feel smart and funny. I feel attractive in yoga pants and t-shirt. I feel accepted. You'll see what I am talking about. It's pretty cool.

7) He is extremely smart. He likes to read only non-fiction books (snooze) and absorbs all sorts of smart-people information. He knows about space-time continuum, political history, current events, physics...all the kinds of things that mommy has no retention for.

8) He can lift heavy stuff up to 175 lbs.

9) He takes care of stuff I don't care to deal with (dog poop, on-line bill pay, organizing the dishwasher). I am hoping diaper changing and bottle cleaning will be added to this list.
I am sure you will cultivate your own set of things you like about him. There are many more...

So basically, all is well out here. Everything is in place and ready for your imminent arrival ( and has been since 3 months ago because mommy likes to be prepared). I can assure you that we will have a lot of fun as our new little family unit. We can't wait to meet you and really hope that you don't make mommy look silly by saying she wants a natural birth. In other words, make life easy on me. I enjoy that kind of thing.
Toodles! (à tout à l'heure or anglicized Toodle-oo)
Mommy